Reed’s Roulette (1/7)

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Inner Dialogue Voice 1: Your first post has to be grandiose! No simple ‘hi this is my blog’ sort of thing.

Inner Dialogue Voice 2: If you wait for the right time you’re going to put this off for at least 3-5 months. Then once it comes you’re going to spend another couple weeks thinking of a snappy and/or flippant title.

IDV1: Good point, we’re trying to incorporate an overall gambling motif, so why not go to three news sites check out the top story and if there’s a theme, go with it.

IDV2: We’ll call it Reed’s Roulette!

IDV1: You are and your fucking titles.

This is as of 3:30pm EST, CNN has a story about police shooting a mentally ill teenager, MSNBC is featuring an Obama speech pleading for an unemployment insurance extension, and Fox is warning people about a road rage killer in Pennsylvania who is still on the loose. That’s just a basket full of cute ducklings to choose from isn’t it? Police brutality, poverty, and senseless violence are this world’s current offerings.

That’s it! World’s offering. Surely if I go to an international site there will be something a little more in line with the tone I want to set. I could go with the BBC’s chemical weapons in Syria piece or Al Jazeera’s hand grenades thrown into police station north of Cairo headline.

Alright then, let’s spin the wheel. The ball seems to be coming to rest next to The Onion’s ‘Girlfriend Overdoses on Lotion’.

Doom and gloom headlines are well and good. We should be warned about the dangers in the world around us and there are plenty. I’m certain within arms reach of you right now there are 36 things giving you cancer and at least 19 objects that could maim you in ways that would get you your own headline on a news site.

When I was a kid I would see the ads during the Simpsons for the local news that night and they were going to tell me what in my house was most dangerous. I couldn’t help but think if it was really a big deal they would tell me now instead of forcing me to wait until 6:12 after weather, traffic, and a check in to the sports scores.

The problem is that if I were to just read news sites all day I’m pretty certain I could turn myself into a paranoid shut in who would give Howard Hughes pause. Girlfriend Overdoses on Lotion is a fine journalistic piece about the dangers of  excessive indulgences especially in the things that appear healthy like having silken glossy legs that smell like a mix of Costa Rican orchids and used bookstore. Now that I mention it, I’d buy something that smelled like that.

The point is everything in moderation. Is that an original thought? God, no, but it links nicely with my blog because this was my new year’s resolution. Do at least two posts a week, and yes I’m a week behind already. Writing isn’t something I do often, and reading this blog isn’t something you do often unless you’re from the future(if you are, do the Vikings ever win it all?). So let’s both try out something new. I promise to keep this from being as repetitive as internet headline seem to be, and if you want to help out by throwing me post suggestions and/or asking questions about life, the universe, and/or everything, please do.

Answers are guaranteed.


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